PARTIES:

SHEBANG:

Tea parties, cocktail parties, wedding do´s, stag & hen,

Christening, birthday, graduation, garden, picnic & then,

The dinners, the BBQ´s, the fancy dress, theme & stork,

Parties for getting drunk & others for small & banal talk,

Parties given, accepted, parties planned & duly thrown,

All different, diverse, an excuse for not staying at home.

INVITATIONS:

The smart written card, e-mail, text & the telephone call,

The party´s at Joe´s, the beach or at the posh Haggley hall,

“Please come, drop in, or just pop around, we invite you,”

It´s a bring your own, a theme, just a simple pot of stew,

There´ll be dancing, charades, or hamper under the trees,

Whatever, wherever, if you´re coming, please do R.S.V.P.

DRESS:

It´s black tie, it´s ball gown, maybe tuxedo, top hat & tails,

It’s casual, so bring a costume, we´ll swim, may go for a sail,

Fancy dress, nuns, priests, kitties, witches, even old whores,

Come as you are, just as long as you´re wearing your drawers,

You must wear your gloves & don´t forget your hat with a veil,

Or if it´s Halloween, don´t dare forget your horns & your tail.

DRINKS:

Bring a bottle, champagne fountain or an iced cocktail or two,

Gin of sloes, with tonic, angostura-bitters-pink & even in blue,

Sherry, port, wines, sweet, dry, rose, white & Spanish deep red,

Anything worthwhile that makes you happy & goes to your head,

Beers, ales, lagers, cider, spirits, liquors, frothy coffee & hot tea,

Depends on the party, the venue, where you go & who you´ll see.

FOOD:

Buffets & finger foods, quiche, caviar, tart, cheese, peanuts & torte,

Served by gloved waiters, family & maids, food, homemade & bought,

Foreign, spicy, crisp, sweet, seafood, meats & curries yellow & red hot,

Dainty sandwiches & tartlets on tiered plates with iced cupcakes on top,

Dribbling, sizzling ribs, thick saanies or that posh snobby Nuevo cuisine,

The carbs, the sugar, the crunchy, the alcohol, the fat, cream & the lean.

END:

Shaving & makeup, hair, the accessories & the right garb for the shoes,

All that fuss & preparation, all the don’ts, do´s & just the right hairdo´s,

Now food-stuffed, drink-drunk & feeling sick with the makeup all bruised,

Forget the final good cheers & the fireworks with spluttering & damp fuse,

I´d rather be home, curled up in bed with mug of tea & a jolly good book,

So next time there´s a party, please don´t invite me, just go & sling your hook.