AGEING:

When my skin sags, begins to hang loose,

And I begin to leak, ooze, lose all my juice,

I can only deduce that it´s time to reduce,

All I drink, spirits, beer, cider & sweet wine,

Every morsel of fat, sugar & of all that I dine,

As doctors tell me I´m walking a very fine line.

I no longer jog & sweat for the beautiful body,

But slowly I amble along like Big-ears & Noddy,

Just keeping old joints oiled & not too shoddy,

Fifty shades of grey is meant to make me drool,

But there´s a spanner in the works, a missing tool,

Let´s face it, buying Playboy makes you feel a fool.

Cholesterol, blood-pressure, gout & gall stones,

Osteoporosis makes mockery of old thin bones,

Forget the drunken parties, I´d rather be home,

Sipping hot chocolate in pyjamas fluffy & warm,

In old beige slippers that have long lost their form,

Isn’t this proper ageing, what´s known as the norm?

When the lusty drooling & the passionate strippings,

Give way to zimmered dressings & toothless drippings,

When my memory flips & goes on far errant trippings,

Then it´s time to don my plumed boa & my silly red hat,

Time to leave my blanket & slippers upon fire-side mat,

And dance, dance, dance to the tango & that old jazz scat.

No way Jose, if I have to age then I´ll do it hot & fighting,

I shall hit the down town city with the garish neon lighting,

Try removing me & I shall be clawing, spitting & truly biting,

If I have no choice but to grow old, then I´ll do it my own way,

Sex, drugs & rock & roll, bring it all on please & just let us play,

But please dear, I´ll have it by the fire on a nice, cosy warm tray.